I don't think I'm equipped to see any more pain in the world. I just see flashes of my mother in the hospital after her numerous operations. I see my brother writhing in pain and frustration after scratching another whole layer of skin.
I am afraid of this scene.
My brother charging after my mother and hitting her on the head, while I stood dumbfounded. I would fault myself even years later, especially when I had to go with my mother to buy a hearing aid, because the blow made her lose her hearing.
I absolutely detest and regret my inaction back then.
That's why I go around helping others at the expense of myself. If I can remotely be of any help in a situation, I want to go all out and make a bet on it.
Is that why I bother with suicide calls even after all this while? Is that why I hope that somehow these people can pull themselves from the luring abyss of depression? Is it because I hope that someone was there for me when I fell into its depths?
But what really is the point of trying to counsel all these people?
I have decided to explore suicide as systematically as I can.
Reasons for suicide (not exhaustive):
1. Suicide as an end to further degradation and suffering
Similar to euthanasia. Should include mental degradation too, though society mostly focuses on physical ailments.
2. Suicide as the one good thing that person has ever done
For someone who is weighed down by the mistakes he has made and decidedly kills himself to stop inflicting more harm on those alive
3. Suicide on a whim
For emotionally-charged persons who no longer have the capacity for rational thought
4. Suicide by an individual who has given up on society
This individual may have had certain bad experiences, or regretful epiphanies about the meaningless life we all lead as subjects of society (e.g. societal expectations, stress, or disillusioned with how the world is like). Usually a sorrowful idealist. Also, in most cases, society has abandoned them (e.g. the underprivileged --> note the word. "privilege" (+), not a "right" to basic necessities (neutral expression). "underprivileged" doesn't have the negative connotation it should have (rather, just the absence of a positive +).
Individual may be overly helpful or a reclusive hermit.
Reasons against suicide (selected advice which are repeated to death):
1. You never know whether life can get better (i.e. the future is not fixed)
Same can be said for the negative. You never know whether life can get worse. People tend to predict the future through inductive reasoning.
Basically this entire argument rests on the individual's belief/faith in inductive reasoning.
2. As long as there is life, there is room for repentance
Based on the same idea as (1). The future is uncertain. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul". Same counterargument applies.
3. Chill the hell down, and get a grip of yourself
Well, this advice never works.
4. You still matter to me. You're being selfish by committing suicide.
Perhaps.
Rebuttal 1: You will manage to move on without me. No one is indispensable.
Rebuttal 2: I'm tired of this world. I don't belong here. I will just be kicked in the teeth when I'm down.
If that's the first time the person finally knows how to assert himself/herself, would you have the heart to stop him/her? Especially if the person has tried time and again to give back to a world that has so mistreated them? Would you bear to inflict more suffering on them by coaxing them to indulge in another few minutes of life?
On Advice
I think somehow the most useful "advice" I got was from a teacher, who simply said "Suicide is NOT an option".
My response was, "what are the other options available", despite having thought that I had already thought through all of them previously.
It was in fact a non-advice. Rather, it was a command to be resourceful, and find another alternative to death. It was helpful to me, indeed, as I could foresee all the possible rhetoric involved when anyone tried to persuade me to stay alive.
The Helpless Bystander
Why then should you bother to counsel someone out of suicide? Especially if you are hesitant on continuing life too?
Is it because of the endless possibilities you can see in that person's future? How could you ever be sure? (same can be said of the inverse proposition, yes)
Is it because you don't want to be faulted/guilty if the person does indeed commit suicide? Would this be more of your own interests at heart, or the suicidal person's?
Is it because the suicidal person is one who you deeply love, hence you want to preserve his/her life? Is that being selfish? Then again, why is selfishness bad, if you're preserving someone's life whose future can be full of fantastic possibilities (and of course, the opposite may be true).
Conclusion
Maybe life is simply a need to make meaning out of an incapacitating sense of futility.
