Second chance...?

And so, I'm running away again.

One night till I take off for Western Australia. Apprehension? I have no idea.

Numbness. Like how I felt when I was chased to boarding. But I have no teacher guiding me now. No one else left. Why.

CS0201 would probably be a total flop, though I really tried my best during the finals. Perhaps I am not cut out to be a journalist.

SP0044 creative wasn't that great either. I felt like it was a repeat of PW all again. Dragging a whole team behind me, taking too much ownership for the ideas and content, and not . Yes I got my A, but that comment on it not having much literary value and not addressing content of the course was slightly irksome. I wouldn't say hurt. but yeah. somewhat unsettled. But I guess he has a point. It may not be that obvious. I wish no one knew the story was mine.

My health is in ruins. But at least I'm not reliant on relaxants any longer. My whole body was aching for the past few days after the accupuncture. The chinese doc probably corrected something in my body and it was reacting violently. My sinus is back too. Asthma abated but still persisting.

My mum was very helpful in buying spare slippers and spare earphones for me. She's out of her mind meditating now. Forgetting to buy dinner for me, then scolding me for eating late. Buying pepper lunch for dinner today even tho I recently ate it. She can't comprehend anything around her, especially my existence, or my leaving. Printing things the wrong way up. I am glad she's doing all that for me, but appalled that she's making the errors she never would have made if she were okay. I have no idea what I can do. When my teacher asked me to give up on her, I didn't want to. But I can't. I can't help. I'm just. useless. as usual.

I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Leaving like this.

Whether what I believe is right. Whether what I pen down makes sense.

Your world must always collapse before you can be reborn again.

I think that's how it works. That let my heart die a thousand times more in disappointment and anguish.

-Idealist