Canoeing camp

I guess this week is sort of the most hellish and exciting week. Starting from last Saturday, when my parents went overseas, I had to do housework and stuff, while my bro bought food. He left me alone with the part-time maid for me to supervise her. Lucky she knew what to do and I didn't have to talk to her much, except sometimes when she calls for me she accidentally says 'xiao di'. -.-
On Monday, we did 24km. I was behind Keith by 28secs. He waverided on Soma and Shaun's boat, while I was a solo... Yeah and last part Soma was pushing me so much I couldn't breathe. Even after it. ouch. coach denes was trying to console me cos' I was quite sad I lost. Sigh. I didn't talk much to anyone in the camp except Keith. I just seem lost. Just didn't feel like talking much to others. 
On Tuesday, I did K2 adv with Jieyin. yes damn i got breathing difficulties and pulled her down. inhaler didn't really work. i breathed too hard to keep going, the ribs were all pain, like someone gave right and left jabs.
On Wednesday, we had awesome morning training(2 rounds road run) and we got scolded. But it was good everyone woke up and stopped slacking, especially me... cos I was like hmm...couldn't think and do the common sense stuff... like stretching while waiting. coach denes talk was awesome. In the afternoon,my K1 adv was really bad. I just couldn't look put in power. But then I didn't know what was wrong. only now I realised it was a foreboding for Thursday.
On Thursday, we had 14km timetrial with HwaChong. At breakfast, I was feeling really bad, head giddy. Now I realised that it was lack of oxygen... But during that time, I thought that it would go away, and a little thinking of not going for the timetrial, but I quickly pushed away the thought and thought of how I trained for this and how coach put in effort in me. No way I was giving up. While carrying boats, I was like holding my breath while I jogged. I just couldn't breathe. It was hard. got my inhaler and sprayed. ppl were behind but they didnt see it. we did dynamics and I couldn't do it well. Then I went to warm up in the bay. The tiger was sluggish. even when im putting in what I thought the power for a sprint. I was really not sure what was happening, cos I was panting by the 1st few strokes in the bay. I thought of backing out of the timetrial... but I was already there and I sprayed inhaler, it won't be too bad right? Nah. no way. Less than 1km and im tired out. Usually it takes 8km to tire me out that much. And I was in front of Celine at first. But I could feel my glide was not good. I wasn't paddling as usual. I was using arms. Then I tried to overtake a Hwa Chong K2. After that I was telling myself I was in good condition and all that. Then Celine overtook me. I tried to force myself to keep up. My stroke length can usually glide further than her. not that day. Then I ended up trying to chase her with all my might. And yes I should not panic. everything got worse. when ruo ning and alyssa sort of encouraged me, I was coughing like hell. And once you cough while paddling, you have that few seconds less of breathing. So I kept going on coughing and catching up. till the 9km. Alyssa was like 'come on,stroke by stroke'. After my turn at about 50m I coughed uncontrollably. All the while till 9km, I was hoping I would meet coach and get my inhaler from him(i gave him at the start of trng).but at the same time i didnt want to waste time stopping. so I turned, at the 10km my lungs felt pain... real pain till there were tears in my eyes. Then coach appeared near the 500m mark. he saw me and asked whether i was okay. i nodded, i didnt want to waste time. all that was in my head was '4km more, 2 rounds, finish.' But I was panting, technique haywire,slouching cos my ribs would feel pain when I sat up. Coach was like,"are you sure,you're okay?" I ignored and continued slowly. Then he said"michelle,stop. stop." then he suddenly shouted STOP. so yes I stopped.... He paddle up quickly too me cause by then I was coughing continuously. then he asked if i needed my inhaler. i nodded. i couldnt speak. But I guess my balance is really good. I sprayed and was going to continue. Coach gave the commading tone to go to the 500m mark pontoon. I had difficulty steering the boat. I was trembling. I held the side and panted a lot. He fished his boat out of the water and asked me to get up... I got up with quite abit of effort. stupid. All this time wasted. I should have gone on. But on pontoon I was just kneeling there, head down, panting, trembling. and somehow coach got a 100plus can from his boat and gave it to me to drink. I felt bad. but he forced me to. i drank abit and panted for the longest time... trying to get up and carry my boat down, only with coach scolding me to stop. he took out my life jacket in case it constricted me,which i didnt realise how much better it was till he took it out.but it was still bad.  cos i didnt have the strength to do anything. then ms ng came and asked what happened, whether i sprayed. she made me sit up straight and control breathing. ouch it hurt more than crouching. At that time sitting up straight was like killing me. It felt like the wind was crashing against me. then i wanted to go back to paddle. They both stopped me. I had to drink the 100 plus. by then i was back crouching and panting. then ms ng was like trying to make me calm down. i was actually panicking about the time passing by and trying to control my breathing desperately. when i sounded like i was breathing better, i was going to push the boat of the pontoon(my hand was on my boat most of the time. the other  hand was mostly cleaning mucus off. I learnt to clean mucus while paddling too. wow.) but i was trembling... ms ng told me to finish the 100plus before i could go. i grabbed the can and i was shaking like hell. I tried to gulp it down. I remember coach telling ms ng,"She is abit crazy." Of course I was crazy, crazy mad. Watching all the boats pass by when I was panting like an idiot. ppl doing last charges. finally it got a bit better, and i was finally allowed to get into my boat. But i was scolded to sit up straight. I thought of shouting out 'my ribs. ouch. argh' but no breath too. anyway i just thought of the 4km. coach went with me. kept scolding me not to push my self. last few metres i still did a last charged anyway. then he made me go up on shore to drink water. my timing was 1h52min53sec. super slow for 14km. i was so pissed. coach gave me a small talk, saying don't push myself and stuff, and no need to do remainding 16km. sigh. then i saw the rest doing break stroke with ruo ning, i justt overshot them. i needed to do mileage. i was better. but not enough glide yet. then after 2km,i saw ms ng, she asked me to rest, then i told her coach made me rest. actually he wanted me to rest for minimum 20 min. but i came down in less than 5min. but then at 500m i turned cos someone asked me to. last 100m we had to sprint and my panting nearly came back. -.- I was super pissed i couldnt do stuff properly with the rest. but anyway we packed up. just when i thought i was better, i started jogging with boats. mich oh was carrying with me. her ankle was injured. she asked me to stop. after that i realised how heavy my lungs still were. and the next trip i heard ms ng scolding us for all the stuff we talked bout jogging with boats but not doing today. so i jogged. it was pain. just when we went to the cafe and stuff, we still had to do simples and warm down. my lungs were still hurting, and my mucus was dripping. I really wanted to curl up into a ball so it wont be so bad. but it got a little better.when ms ng told us to reflect, the first reaction was 'its finally over'.second reaction was 'damn,why did you stop?you could have a better timing.' But too late to do anything.
Then at night my bro came with a midnight visit, shocking me and making me think it was a dream. this post is really long... nvrmind.
so we had land trng, which i didnt hit my target for the pull up test. super pissed. and running. omg  ms ng made us breathe through our nose. That was so difficult. I've been breathing through my mouth for the longest time.
Yeah so today and yesterday I didn't do homework... i should do soon. and push ups. i have a sore area on my left rib which i keep rubbing. and my brain just switches off, like im doing everything unconsciously through habit...
sorry for the long post
MICHY